Decisions that kill

Some of the times seem to be very important and decisive. Its only when they pass that you realize that it was like any other time of your life. Just the same mundane life, with its never ending affairs. I  had read some where that decision making is very important. If you are struck with a decision you should better ask for advice and help from people who love you. I think that it does not always help. Sometimes it increases the confusion. There was a time in my life when I wanted to come to the states for higher education. Not many supported the choice but I had made my decision and I don't regret the choice when I look back into the past. I have lived the first phase of my life in the USA and now its time to make some decisions again. I thought I should get a PhD. I don't know what convinced me into getting one. It might be some close friends who were aspiring for it. I think I don't want the process but yes I like the result. It feels kind of pleasant to sit in a university and grading some home-works of students who are clueless about what to do next with their life. It makes me feel comfortable and empathize with the kind of person I have been all my life. Half-awake, half confused;  sometimes insecure and sometimes very composed. It was not an easy ride with me being solely responsible for the dreaming,planning and the execution of all my life. I did not even accomplish anything by this age which is not very rewarding. But may be its unfair to compare life's of others with ourselves. I am a slow learner and this is my pace. I cant change the truths by sulking at them. I have started to look for support of late and that has made me unhappy; may be its good to rely on your own faculties. I need to think of all those who deserve better than me and still didn't had a good life. That would make me feel better. Or I can think of all the people who could have been helpful but didn't want to take their responsibilities. It's my choice again if I want to feel happy or just spoil the importance of what I have.
I think I would wait for my chance to get an admission or else I would just try and follow where life takes me.
I feel emotionally very low these days.I don't know whom to blame about that. I need a Savior with a sword flashing that would cut the darkness of the night. Huh, that's surely some reminiscence of a fairy tale. Let's hope it gets better.