My dearest Nani Ma

It was the month of April. My Nanima and Nana were with my Mom. I would call home everyday and giggle with Nani ma. I can tell that she was the happiest. I had told her that I would be home soon and follow her advice. It could not last long though. Its the way life is. When you think everything would be alright that is when you get a  bolt out of nowhere to make you realize of your mortal state. So, one day, I called home and I heard Ma crying on phone. Nani ma was in the hospital. She had a paralysis attack. My favorite thing on earth was struggling for life. I was at the other side of the continent and I had my finals two weeks from now. Ma convinced me that she is going to live more. I can show up after the exams. I called many doctors at Kolkata to find out where can she be admitted. I even wanted to send some more money for the treatment. She was admitted in the city hospital and everything was taken care of. But suddenly she had a stroke and she left us. It felt like the end of world for me. I did send the money but it was for the funeral. I was not in my senses for some days that followed. The day she died, I called my little brother and all I could hear was his sobs from the other side on line. Some times you don't need words to finish a conversation. His sobs were silent and deeper than any words we had exchanged. We were grieved that we did not say good bye to our favorite grand parent for her last journey. I went to the gym in my school and stood underneath the shower till I was tired. I rubbed the loofah all over my body to feel her presence. I was trying to remember everything we did together as the hot water washed my bare body. She used to love long showers. That was her way to pamper herself after she was done with her daily chores at around mid-day. My grandpa was at work and she had all the time in the world to herself. She loved perfumes, beauty soaps, shampoo, loofahs and pumice stones. She could somehow maintain the legacy even after my grandpa retired and they moved to his ancestral home in a rural village. She would stock them whenever she would come to visit my Mom and spend them slowly that makes it enough until her next consignment has arrived. I can still imagine her feet whenever I would touch them for her blessings. We had this tradition of touching your elder's feet every time you are going or leaving home. They were so white and spotless that I had to complement them. My own feet get cracks sometimes and not to forget that I stay indoors in air conditioner and the air in the US has no anomaly to the dirt in the kachcha (unpaved) road of my ancestral village. She never had cracks in her heels. She would wear socks, keep them polished and shining even in the dusty and rustic life of the village. I would visit her in that small village in my college breaks. It used to be very hot and humid there. But she would prefer to sleep indoors at night with the doors locked from inside. Everyone else would sleep outside underneath the star studded sky but she had her own way. She had spend all her life in the cities with my grandpa and she would still try to live her life the way she has been leading it.

We were next door neighbors to our Grandparents till I was in Tenth grade. Me and my Nani Ma would watch TV together at night and on weekends. My own parents did not get a TV until I was in college. My Dad had his own set of rules that we would discuss later. So, we both had same favorites in TV. We would watch regional movies on Sunday. I would read the subtitles of a Oriya, Tamil or any movie and translate it to her. I was just a kid so sometimes I could not read and interpret all of it and at times end up missing an entire conversation. But she was an ardent movie follower. She had to know what did the male protagonist say that has made the girl cry. What? I would cheat on her then. I would make up some dialogue and deliver it to her. I thought it was better than making her upset and showing my ineptness in English literature. At night, my Nana would sleep early inside the mosquito net. Me and Nani ma would sit on the floor right in front of the TV, with our frog like eyes popped out in front of the Television and watch anything thats being telecasted. We would try to keep most of our body parts covered. We would keep killing mosquitoes and keep watching television until we had tablets and rashes so itchy on our arms and legs that we are forced to sleep.

She loved me beyond limits. I could share all my secrets with her. I grew up in her love and care. Its all so fresh like the first few drops of the monsoon rains .My Nani ma was a lady who loved discipline in life. She was a stern Grandma to all her grandchildren except me. She would tell me all her secrets and I could tell her about all the odds in my life. She would promise that she is not passing it to Ma. I still remember her pounding heart beat every time I would call her phone. She had arthritis in her legs, a common ailment in women in India. She would pace fast to answer the phone. I could always hear her steps approaching towards the phone. She won't like it if someone else takes the phone. She would cut the conversation and she would be almost out of breath and say 'Haan Helou', that was her distinct way to say Hello. I can hear that still. I would ask her to take it easy and don't just run to the phone from next time. She would lie to me and say she was just walking, there is nothing to worry. She did not want to waste time on all this useless exchange of greetings. She would start with her regular round of questions, every single time. When are you coming home and getting married? Did you find a man in your life? When did you talk last to your brother? Did he or you put any weights or you both still look anorexic? What did you eat today? Whats the time in America right now? I would try to give her some answer. She would not be convinced and she would ask me again? How many months did you say?Can I count them on my fingers? I called her once and told her; Nani ma! I have saved a lot of money now. I would give you half when I am home. She asked me 'How much do you have? 'I replied, I have 2.5 lacs. She tried to confirm it. Is that in Dollars? I started giggling and said No, its just rupees, 2.5 lac rupees. She laughed at this and said. Your Nana has just that much amount left. And we are scared that we would outlive the money we have. We have actually started to think of it. What do we eat when we are done with all the money. I am telling you 'thats not a lot.', thats just enough to keep you going in today's world. I smiled at her prudence. She was not all that incognizant as I had thought her to be.

I wish she had some more time with me. I had many more plans for us. But thats with all the good things in life. They are short lived. And we keep craving for more, long after they are gone. I think of what all we missed? My Mom did a good job though. She would always make sure that they had a trip outside their rural village to my Mom once an year. She would take them to the Doctor and make sure they get proper medication for everything.
She was the best grand ma ever. Her expectations from me were very worldly. She did not want me to be the most successful or the most richest. She wanted me to get settled down in life, have a family and raise kids. I still don't know why she left me uninformed. When I look back today I feel I had a chance to make us happy. I had lost my chance. I had no control over it though. The deepest scars remain green, we have no medicines to heal them because they are on our soul.

A musical story

I was in school. I was very shy. I would not speak until needed, until asked. I was scared of the outside world. But I loved my Ma and my little brother. They would laugh all the time. They had jokes. All I needed to do was listen to the jokes and giggle. They don't expect me to add to the story and be funny. They were nice people. They kept me in their team even when I was misfit or may be they needed an audience for their anecdotes and jokes or they don't care as long as you can laugh with them. I was happy being in their team as my dad was a taciturn man. He won't smile even when needed. And my world was my books and my school and homework. Being in their team made my study breaks funny. My childhood was very musical. My Mom would never compromise on music. She would object to my Dad for spending money on everything. But she would make sure she had the music cassettes of the new movie that just got released. We had the Sony music player and for her that was not a luxury. That's the need of the soul to be rejuvenated. She would sing ardently while doing her daily chores. She would forget all the fights with my dad once she had the music playing. I guess that's the magic of music. It helps you think about the song and makes your life dreamy. My Mom would always play romantic numbers. She would always skip slow ones. I guess she needed a change from her mundane life that was kind of slow in that small town.
My brother took after her a lot. He would keep singing all the time. He and Mom would play the music every morning while we would get ready for school. He had this piggy bank with lots of money in it. He was a pampered kid. We all loved him a lot. He would throw tantrums and we would let him cuz we loved him, he was the youngest in the four membered family. He was a big favorite with all the domestic helps we had. He would make all of them his alias in cricket. So here goes the story of how he got some of the money. He was two grades younger than me. He was expected to read my used books. He hated the idea as I would get new books the first day of class. On the contrary, he was supposed to wait for loose books till the weekend. I know its irritating for a kid. So my parents tried to bribe him to accept my used books. They would pay him and not the school for every used book he would read. It did not make him the happiest but it could still pacify the situation. So he had some money collected in his Piggy Bank. And then he was a teenager now. The piggy bank was broken.Any guesses about what he did with the money. He bought like 15 cassettes of different albums that were very expensive. No wonder he was Mommy's son. And he bought chocolates of all kinds. But he was scared of Mommy. She might beat him up and he was excited to share the happiness. So he showed me the treasure. Of course I had to keep my mouth shut but I was paid. I got a share in all the chocolates he had bought. We had them hidden in the attic house on our terrace. The funny part is that he would play the cassettes and slowly get them downstairs cuz may be he did not want Ma to notice all of them together. I don't remember what would he tell Ma; may be that 'it belongs to some friend'. But he proved that he can be more religiously musical than Mommy. We even had English music to our ears now; Michael Jackson and Savage Garden. I loved listening to "to the moon and back" and "The Animal song" and "Black o' white". Thanks to him.